Select Self Help Topic

I Dare to Like Myself

When you look at the personality or skill of others, does it make you feel useless and stupid? Are you jealous, unable to give and receive compliments; do you feel left out much of the time? If the answer is ‘yes’ then you have a poor opinion of yourself or low self-esteem.

Even though you have felt like this for a long time, it doesn’t have to stay that way.

Self-acceptance is the key. Acknowledge the facts about yourself, without judging. Neither approve nor disapprove – just accept.

Every self-critical word or phrase we use against ourselves has to be challenged, rebutted and changed into something totally different.

Replace the self-defeating thoughts with the ones that make you feel good instead of miserable. I’ll show you how to do this for some different types of thought-abuse.


  • Comparisons: Never compare yourself with another. Replace all such thoughts with the affirmation "I will never compare myself with another. I am a unique and valuable human being." Write this out in large letters on a sheet of paper and fix it near a light switch or on the fridge door.
  • Self-Blame: Instead of putting yourself down because, you’ve made a mistake or missed out on something, write these few words on a card and carry it with you always: "Everyone makes mistakes – that is how we learn."
  • Global Labelling: This happens when we give a derogatory label to ordinary behaviour or circumstances. It is easily rebutted by sticking to the facts. That is, instead of saying "I am fat", say "I am 6 kilos over my ideal weight"; instead of "I acted like an idiot", say "I got a bit flustered when she asked me if I’d been married before". Don’t distort – think real.
  • Over-generalisations: You’ll recognize these: "Nobody likes me", and "I always stuff things up". Or "I feel unhappy all the time". You can replace these self-abusive thoughts with more accurate statements. For example, "Sometimes I stuff things up. Mostly I don’t."

There is an old saying, "If you don’t want weeds in the garden, fill it with flowers." It is the same with the mind. Develop the habit of recognizing the beauty and wonder of being human. Look at a sunset and say aloud, "I am looking at myself. I am all the beauty that I see." Go to a place where nature is large and grand – under a night sky, or on a cliff overlooking the ocean. Drink in the glory of God’s creation and say aloud "I am the grandeur that I admire".

Try out these few suggestions and see how you go.

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